The Colander

By @PastarBrick (Brandon Wirick)

A colander is a special kind of bowl with holes in it used to drain water from food, like spaghetti noodles, in a safe and efficient way.

Pastafarians sometimes wear a colander as religious headwear. It tends to look moderately ridiculous, even to those who know what it means. The most common question I receive when I wear a colander in an airport is, “So, did you lose a bet?”

So what does it mean? It means that the head or brain or mind is a point at which the divine “noodle” acts in a precious way (possibly related to why some people refer to their thinking capacity as their “noodle”). That which would disrupt noodle-work is called brainwash. Wearing the colander is a symbol of taking action (and itself an act, not just a symbol) to protect noodle-work.

This supports critical thinking, both in those who wear a colander and in those who see others wearing one. It’s not a comfortable experience. It pushes us out of our comfort zone, away from the placidity on which persuaders can prey, and hopefully towards divine interaction.

My rule (the details of which I am still working out) is to wear a colander “in the presence” of notorious brainwashers. The short-list includes:

Inside any state- or federal-level government building
In airports (and in planes before take-off and after landing)
In any conversation or interview with the press media, especially if recorded
When operating as a religious official

For me, not all gatherings inside religious buildings would constitute notorious brainwash, so I might not wear a colander at a funeral held in a church, but if I were ever to attend some large religious conference, I certainly would.

Pastafarianism is non-dogmatic, so no one has to wear it. The closest to dogma that Tricolor Pastafarianism gets is to suggest that an individual be consistent: that it is liberating to be consistent, that inconsistency takes a toll we often cannot perceive until we regret it. If you wear a colander, make a rule and follow it consistently.

Also, as a practical point, if you wear a colander through TSA, make sure it’s all plastic. I recommend a fairly large one, maybe seven quarts. I say that I need to keep it on for religious reasons, that I consent to additional screening, and that I just have to keep it mostly touching my head. There’s a test where they touch my hair with gloves (or have me touch my hair) and then scan the hands with some light. It adds 5-10 minutes to the security check.

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